Hello, my name is Matt Foley and I am a motivational speaker. I am here to tell you about the week one matchup. Let's get started by me telling you what my life is all about. I am 35 years old, I am divorced and I live in a van down by the river. Believe it or not, the only broadcasts I can pick up are avant-garde jazz pop music stations and WSFL games. Naturally, I am a big Sheboygan County Rebels fan.
It is my understanding that the Rebels went undefeated last season until the championship game. Some called it a fluke, some called it an uncharacteristically bad game. None of that matters because it does not change the result. It could be worse; you could be living in a van down by the river!
It is week one of the Wisconsin State Football League's 2012 regular season and the football gods saw it fit to have a 2011 WSFL Championship game rematch. The Rebels want it no other way. There remains some unfinished business from last year.
Let's talk about the M&M Timberjacks first. I had no idea what the M&M stood for until I turned on the news and saw the story about the 255 mature marijuana plants that were seized in Menominee county recently. As far as I can tell, they spent all their time, as the kids say, "rollin' doobies" and they named themselves after their favorite snack! If it were me, I would have named the team the Hotpocket Deep Fried Oreo Cookies! Let's look past the name for a moment. The Timberjacks are back to back WSFL champions, they deserve our respect. They are a golden, flakey crust wrapping up a symphony of grade B cheese and ham scraps... wait, I think I started talking about hot pockets again. Let's move to the Rebels.
After the 0-7 loss in the championship game last year, I know a lot of the Rebels are probably thinking, "Matt, how can we get back on the right track?!" Well, all I have to say is "finish". The Rebels dominated their way through the WSFL last year. Key injuries, penalties and brain farts were terribly timed to take away some of the things that the Rebels did best on offense and they had issues putting points on the board. The Rebels added a lot of good talent to the, by far, best defense in the league as well as offense. Let's take a closer look at the defense first.
The Rebel defense aka Dark Side is an 11 headed monster with several other heads in line to rotate in. Some of the big names of this monster are John "You're going down" Wagner, Jamil "Bon Jovi" Moore, David "Sack Master" Benton, Josh "I say that I go to Jeff's party every year but I didn't go the past two years" Bardon, Chris "I got 3 picks against the Bombers" Daun, Jared "I eat manbeasts for breakfast" Martin, Jarred "click here" Querio, Rick "I can still play" Hartman and more. Fans will be treated to multiple giant hits, interceptions, and sacks each and every game. These men are great to watch.
The Rebel offense has improved as well. Tyler "3 TDs a game" Hau is recovered from the broken leg that ended his season early in 2012. Tyler "I play to the whistle" Courtright, Chris "Hulk smash" Cox, Jeff "Look at my pecs but no touching" DeBlaey and Mike "Bag of donuts" Kruis all return as regular starters on the offensive line this year. Skyler "Don't I look pretty?" Ebbers, Ricky "Cannon ball" Canon and Alex "Roc-a-fella" Nesemann will be back in the backfield to run people over. Brad "Watch me throw 8 TDs this game" Dobson and Corey "Who has my pads?" Roberson will be quarterbacking with a 1-2 punch. Courtney "I'm open" Gatlin, Gerry "Watch me dance" Hammons, and Calvin "I'm old but I'll still burn you" Thomas will be deadly in the passing game. Oh yeah, the best TE in the league in Marcus "I am the best tight end in the league" Ninneman is back too.
The Rebels are looking to dominate the WSFL again this year. This reporter, Matt Foley (remember?), says that they'll take the WSFL title. The Tjacks will be doing plenty of doobie rollin' when they're eating government cheese and living in a van down by the river!
Come out and support the Rebels! Kickoff is at 6pm on Saturday, July 28th.
Memorial Park
406 N. River
Parkway
Sheboygan, WI 53083
Sheboygan, WI 53083
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